Little Matthew Ritter from somewhere near Reading, Pennsylvania writes …
Dear Uncle Sharty, Is it true that “keep away” is no longer called “smear the queer”?
The Snark responds: Matthew, what a great question! This subject really takes Uncle Snarky back in time …
I remember this one time, I must have been, I don’t know, 27 or 28 years old. I had the football and I was running like the wind away from all my terrible tormentors.
They were all yelling and screaming “Smear the Queer!” and “Hey Asshole, give us our football back!” and other such fun taunts. I giggled like a schoolgirl as I ran. I don’t mind telling you, it was one of the greatest moments of my life … until.
All of a sudden, I felt my world disintegrate into chaos. A small pair of hands wrapped around my waist and then began to punch me right in the family jewels! I lost consciousness. For how long I can’t be sure, but when I came to, there was Suzy Farkus.
Suzy was a no-nonsense kind of fourth-grader. Apparently it pissed the hell out of her that I had taken her friends football and made my mad dash for glory. She kicked me in the face a couple of times for emphasis and then skipped away.
I forgot exactly where I was going with this story, but to answer your question … No, sadly we can no longer play Smear the Queer. The era of political correctness has descended upon us.
But, the game is still played under a new name … rugby.