Recently a reader named Iben Yankanov wrote ………..
“Dear Uncle Snarky, my grandmother says you’re an idiot and that she has photographic evidence that you store “D” cell batteries in your rectum. I think you’re aces though!”
“Here’s my question, I use a laptop roughly 17 hours per day and it normally rests on my lap except for when I’m surfing porn sites. Now it seems that one of my testicles has ballooned to the size of Cleveland. Grandma says it’s radiation and the wrath of God because of the monkey spanking. I think it’s probably just one of those things (as it were) and that most people have one testicle grotesquely larger than the other. Your thoughts?”
Uncle Snarky replies……..
Dear Iben Yankanov, do you have a twin brother named Uben?
It’s obvious to Uncle that your grandmother has spent more time at the “Y” than the Village People and that she needs to be institutionalized. She’s a danger to society and she owes me “tree fiddy”.
As far as your testicles go, I can’t understand your concern. Laptops were made to sit on laps, hence the name. And we all know that radiation is our friend. I like to warm up in the x-ray machine on cold winter mornings. My coffee never gets cold!
Besides testicles can’t be that important or God would not have given us three of them. Am I right? Sure I am.
Now, go out and play. But, be careful when you sit down. Testicle explosions are not nearly as much fun as they sound.
– Uncle Snarky