Lars Momsen from Sleepy Eye, Minnesota writes:
“Dear Uncle Snarky, my wife, Afoofa, tells me that you’re some hot shot, know-it-all and that you can answer a question we’re having. I think I read somewhere on the internet that you’re a total pervert with a thing for goats in lingerie or some such crapola. Personally, you frighten the hell out of me, but Afoofa says you’re her go-to-guy, so here’s our question.
We are looking for a wonderful family pet that might provide some good eatin’ once we become tired of cleaning up after it. My first choice was a badger, but the wife says they leave poops the size of footballs. She suggested we buy a damn monkey. What do you think?
The Snark replies:
You two sound like a great couple. Thanks for including the photo of Afoofa in her bikini. It reminded me that I was out of Brillo Pads.
I’ve read those same stories on the internet that say I’m a wacked out perv, and all I have to say about that is …. maybe I am, and maybe I AM. Unless you have photos, the goat thing never happened … twice.
I would love to help you find the right pet. I don’t know a great deal about monkeys. Only that they can crap while hanging from your ceiling fan and if said fan happens to be spinning, well ….. you can imagine what the walls would look like. But hey, don’t let that stop you Lars. You and Afoofa sound like monkey kind of people, you know what I’m saying? Plus, I hear that monkey tastes just like chicken. If chicken had almost the same DNA as humans, that is.