Mort Fuque, a reader from Squatclod, Iowa writes…..
“Dear Uncle Snarky, the wife and kids are insisting that I take them to a carnival. I love carnival food, but I’m terrified of the rides. When I was a child, I was traumatized by the boy sitting next to me on the Tilt-A-Whirl. The little bastard threw up pink birthday cake all over my new Keds. I can still hear that doomed grade-schooler begging the ride operator to stop…. please stop!”
“I’m sorry, I got distracted.”
“Here’s my question. Ginger or Mary Ann?”
The Snark responds…..
Dear Mort, this one time, I was at the wax museum and I was sniffing glue. A chick that looked just like Hillary Clinton was coming on to me and I just couldn’t say no. We made crazy love for what seemed like hours. When the effects of the glue finally wore off, I was lying next to a German Shepherd that was smoking a cigarette. Life is funny that way.
I’ve been asked the Ginger or Mary Ann question before and I still have to answer …. Aunt Bee.
Every time I hear her say “goober”, I think impure thoughts and I just want to take her out behind Wally’s Garage and pickle her peach preserves. And if her friend Clara Edwards were to join us, well, let’s just say those granny panties would be up in a pine tree quicker than you can say Ernest T. Bass.
And don’t even get me started on Weezy Jefferson!
– Uncle Snarky –